I love Honest Trailers. If you’ve never checked them out before, there’s a whole YouTube playlist from Screen Junkies dedicated to deconstructing popular (and some not so much) films and describing the plot as simply as possible for us common peasants. Many are spot-on, and some are so scarily accurate that it will save you lots of time, energy, and wasted money on watching crap films.
With this being the 2nd day of the 30 Days of Halloween that started yesterday on this fine blog, let’s inject some humor by showcasing several of the great Honest Trailers for some horror-related films that are fan-favorites or just hysterical because they’re so terrible. Before you start viewing the videos below, a quick disclaimer: there are four Twilight trailers spotlighted below. I want to apologize ahead of time for unleashing those “true” horrors upon the world.
So grab a cold one (or a whole 30-pack for Twilight). Let the evening welcome you. Enjoy these Honest Trailers and try not to destroy your personal viewing device after (thank you, Twilight!).
Honest Trailers: The Walking Dead [TV Edition]
Covering the first three seasons of the smash-hit AMC series, this trailer makes The Walking Dead look like a comedy series featuring zomb…er…walkers & biters and lots of melodrama and head-touching (if you’re Shane). Relive the nightmare that was Lori Grimes, watch as Carl disappears for the millionth time, and roll your eyes at every time Rick contradicts himself. Now with more Andrea, Dale, and the other group members who died during those first three seasons! Don’t forget that the newest season (we’re six seasons in) starts on October 10th. BRING ON THE WOLVES & NEGAN!!!
Honest Trailers: The Happening
I skipped this hilariously awful “horror” film when it first premiered in theaters. After hearing from many friends about how unintentionally funny it is, I’m glad I missed it. This “environmental horror” film starts Mark Wahlberg & Zooey Deschanel in two very sub-par performances as two humans trying to resist the murderous rages of…plants. Yes – you read that correctly. Trees are out to kill us, y’all! Watch out for them falling leaves! The last decent M. Night Shyalaman film that I watched was Devil, and that was thankfully not directed by him (he wrote it). Try to keep a straight face while watching it.
Honest Trailers: 50 Shades of Grey
This is one of the scariest movies ever made. From one of the scariest fan fiction authors of all time. Who basically ripped off one of the worst series of books from an even scarier author. So I decided to spread the pain that I felt watching not only this trailer, but the Cinema Sins video for it. You want a real horror movie? Watch this trailer.
Honest Trailers: Leprechaun
Leprechaun was a horror movie that a family member or friend had subjected me to when I was a kid. No, not to scare me, but to show me how crappy of a film it was. The ONLY bright spot in this film – that head-scratchingly has sequels – is Warwick Davis as the evil Irish bastard himself. Definitely stay away from his ‘lucky charms.’ Or gold. Or whatever stereotypical Irish thing they had in the film.
Honest Trailers: Saw
Confession Time: I love the Saw films. At least four out of the seven that make up the franchise of the most popular torture films on the planet. I watch them for the traps, but aren’t those the reason that most of us did? Saw 3-D is the biggest trainwreck out of all the films, and watching this Honest Trailer reminded me of how badly the first film has aged. The performances are the scariest parts of the film, though Tobin Bell and Michael Emerson were great in their meager roles. See Cary Elwes in a career-defining, over-the-top performance as the “hero” of our flick. It’s so terrible it’s epic and a must-see.
Honest Trailers: Ghostbusters
One of my favorite films: both as a kid of the 1980’s & ‘90’s and now as a 30-something. Still a great trailer to watch. Hello nostalgia!
Honest Trailers: World War Z
Not the worst zombie movie ever, nor the best, but a middle-of-the-pack film that’s pretty fun to watch. If you do seek it out, watch the Director’s Cut.
Honest Trailers: Twilight – Breaking Dawn Parts 1 & 2
Bizarre vampire-human hybrid baby. Vampire/human sex. Bella Swan as the most boring vampire in all of horror cinema (surpassing even Edward Cullen). More “How the hell did they get acting gigs in Hollywood?” performances from Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner. There is not enough money or wine in this world to get me to sit down and suffer through this franchise.
Honest Trailers: Twilight – New Moon
Ugh. Stop the torture, please!
Honest Trailers: Twilight – Eclipse
Now with even more turquoise filter action! Suicidal teens! Stalking! And ALL. THE. BLANK. STARES.
Honest Trailers: Paranormal Activity
Question: What is the one of the worst found footage franchises? Answer: Paranormal Activity
If you want to laugh & yell at your TV while watching these awful films, watch the second one. So many eye-rolling moments that are unintentionally funny. A friend subjected my ex & me to this a few years ago, and I’m not sure if we ever fully recovered from its awfulness. Also – every scene in the films are predictable if you watch a lot of horror films.
Honest Trailers: Prometheus
One of the most annoyingly stupid films that I’ve ever seen, and it hurts my heart to say that ‘cause I dig the Alien franchise. It doesn’t get much better with repeated viewings. One of the most controversial space-horror films of recent years, with fans who both loved it and hated it, Prometheus is a prequel to Alien. It features some really great actors in some terrible, terrible performances. It also features one of the stupidest death scenes at the end of the film. If you haven’t seen it yet, it’s still worth it so that you can gather your own opinion about it. This Honest Trailer does a fine job describing the film if you’re skipping it.
Honest Trailers: Twilight